Undone

I haven't posted in a while... not because of busy-ness or not having time, but just not having anything to say. As you know, Tony has gone full-time at Apple as he is still a full-time student - and I have gone part-time so that I can begin substitute teaching. However, many snow days and scheduling issues, just haven't allowed me to get into the schools yet... Which leaves me at home often doing a whole lot of nothing and most often I'm alone.

Through the almost the two years of reading this blog (if you've been reading as long as I've been writing) you know that I don't do well with alone. So I will not even go into the utter lonely feelings I have been feeling these past three weeks.... Instead what they are teaching me and why I'm writing this in the first place... hopefully to encourage you in what I'm learning through it.

To understand where I'm going or coming from, my devotional from this week speaks volumes:

"Then said I, Woe is me! For I am undone and ruined, because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!" Isaiah 6:5

Have you ever been 'undone' before the LORD? Have you shaken your head in awe at the mere thought of being accepted as holy in His sight? The prophet Isaiah experienced God in His splendor, through a vision that left him flat-out speechless.

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above Him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of His glory."

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty" (Isaiah 6:1-5).
I shudder to think how often I approach this awesome, powerful, holy LORD without the reverence that is due Him. I confess that every fiber of my being should fall before Him and shout, "I am undone!" so much more than I actually do. Isaiah's response takes us to the place we should be ...face down before our holy, royal, heavenly King.

As a worship leader, I often find myself torn between feeling called and feeling unworthy of the call. The fact of the matter is - I am unworthy of the call. I screw up on a regular basis. I battle enemies like selfishness, anger, indifference, and pride. I struggle to honor my husband at times and wrestle with shame and guilt more than I'd care to admit. BUT GOD, through His only Son Jesus Christ, made a way for me to be holy and acceptable in His sight.

My dear friend, I can't help but join the heavenly creatures as I shout to you across the globe: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of His glory." As you read this devotion in Maine, Florida, Texas, Idaho, California, Indiana, Brazil, Guatemala, Germany, India, Uganda, Croatia, Australia, China or Norway. In whatever city, whatever state, whatever country you reside, would you join heaven's song and lift the name of the LORD high today as a united body of sisters? Let us be 'undone' together and bow before our King with a renewed awe of His greatness. He is worthy!

Let's Pray
Most Holy Father, Adonai, I pray that You would forgive me for all the times that I have come into Your presence lacking reverence. You are worthy of all praise! May You become greater in my life and may I become less. Empower me to live a life that points to your glorious splendor.
In the matchless name of my risen Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

I know that I have to endure this chapter of loneliness in my life - but in reality it is such a small chapter to the so many ahead of us in our life, our marriage, our ministry and our calling!! But in this chapter I have to dig deap into the Word and learn and pray whatever it is the God is trying to teach me in this.

What I've learned in my self-loathing/depression of the past three weeks, is that I am undone! I have felt unworthy, and it has been (Satan has been) making me doubt or scared of why I'm here and my calling. I feel so alone here in Texas, at seminary and feel unworthy to be Tony's wife in his calling to be a pastor. And I've been letting those feelings, those doubts, those fears envelope me these past few weeks of being alone in my apartment and dwelling in them. BUT GOD, through His Son Jesus Christ, made a way for ME to be holy and worhty and acceptable in His sight. That is what I need to be dwelling in! That alone should cause me joy! Nothing else matters, because My Daddy, My Heavenly Father, called me right where I am and right where He plans for me to be!

If you are "undone" right now, or doubting or suffering - I hope/pray that this devo helped or encouraged you in any way. PLEASE comment or email me any prayer requests you may have, I would love to pray for/with you!

In Him,

Diamend